Many of you know that part of my recovery proceses was resolving physical pain I had experienced since way before bulimia ever showed up in my life.
Yet just as important, I had started to change emotionally and spiritually as well. The interesting thing is, for me, it wasn’t until I reached a level of physical balance that everything clicked into place.
I know that everyone is different…healing is very personal and can vary with each individual.
But it seems that one thing is true for everyone. And it’s this idea of balance. I would define balance as feeling centered and grounded. It does not mean that everything is “perfect” all the time. Someone once said that it’s like being on a seesaw — sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down and sometimes you’re evenly balanced in the middle. The idea is NOT to stay stagnant, but to have a sense that there is a flow…and to trust that flow.
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Over the past 4 months, I have been in the process of writing a book. At first, I was pushing and forcing myself to write, which started to feel like pressure…pretty soon, the book writing moved from passion to pressure!
Have you ever done that? Felt like you really wanted to do something and then set all kinds of unrealitic goals for yourself…until you felt overwhelmed or pressured? Well, there I was, at the brink of blaming myself for not being fast enough or productive enough (remember my theme from the previous couple of posts?)…until I stopped just shy of going there.
See, while I’m still practicing, I am finally getting it. I can create my own goals that FEEL GOOD in terms of the pace I set — so that I can stay in balance in my life. So that I can love the goals I am passionate about. And so they don’t turn from passion to pressure.
So I shifted my focus to ALLOWING.
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This topic is actually quite appropriate after taking some time off from writing in my blog. Because it’s about the one thing I had been denying myself for years, that upon giving back to myself made a profound difference.
Recovery is a lifelong process. Does that sound depressing? It’s not. Because in my definition of recovery from eating disorders, depression or any addiction, it’s about learning how to LIVE. First learning how to live in peace and contentment…then learning how to live with meaning and joy.
In all the work I’ve done coaching and researching this thing called happiness, I’ve found that there is no such thing as being “done.” We never get “there” when there means a perfect life where everything is completely done and there are no mountains left to climb.
In fact, what I’ve found is that we are “done” when we’ve mastered the art of perspective.
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In December, I did a post on my goal to truly feel “good enough” deep in my core.
Similar themes in my life, and certainly at the core of bulimia, was not feeling like there would be enough. In fact, I’d find myself worrying about having enough and storing things up: food, personal care products, clothing….anything I liked and worried I’d run out of.
These days, I am very aware that that is a signal of not feeling safe. Of a fear of not having enough and not BEING enough.
So what happened with my New Year’s resolution to truly feel good enough?
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In the next few weeks, I’ll be updating you on the amazing experiences I’ve had in learning how to feel “good enough,” which was my New Year’s resolution. In the meantime, I have gotten settled in my Caribbean home and wanted to share a relevant post from my Caribbean blog.
It’s about learning to breathe. One of my clients recenlty asked me about good resources for learning to breathe — which helps with depression and anxiety. This post shares tips and resources that worked for me and countless others!
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It’s been 6 weeks now that we’ve been back in the Caribbean. And it truly changes you.
Often, friends ask me to talk about the differences between life in the US and life in the Caribbean. I have done this in an earlier post, but only hinted at the differences that I’ve experienced at the core of my being.
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I am on my way to Saba, a tiny island in the Caribbean that I call home in the winter months. Right now, I am writing from my hotel room in Boston because I have a big goal (a scary one too!) that I’d like to ask you all to participate in with me.
Last week, I made a pact with a dear friend to relase (once and for all) “not good enough.”
You know not good enough…that belief that makes us feel unworthy and unloved. For me, it was “not good enough” that made me strive and stive, burning the candle at both ends. It’s what rocks me to my core when someone says something mean about me, giving me that feeling that this one thing is a statement about my whole life.
Not good enough blows things way out of proportion.
It can keep you awake at night, bring on anxiety or depression and wreak all sorts of havoc to your self-esteem. And yes, it is one of the particularly sticky contributors to eating disorders.
Today, I still know that there are cords of this feeling of not being good enough and I am ready to cut them once and for all!
But you know what? When my friend and I made a pact to release it, I asked for a date, a deadline of sorts. She said January 1st, 2008. Whoa. That scared me. Why?
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