J told me about some of his feelings over the weekend (a very good thing, as I always encourage him to do so!), and he admitted that he’s tired of making excuses for me when I don’t come along to parties our outings with his friends. His friends are all nice enough people, and I don’t mind spending time with them every once in a while. However, I don’t feel I have all that much in common with them. Every gathering they have centers around drinking A LOT of alcohol, and people tend to get kind of obnoxious after some time. I rarely drink – and, if so, I don’t drink much (to me, it just isn’t worth the miserable feeling the next day — funny that I can’t have the same attitude to food — although, come to think about it, I DO, as far as keeping food down; it’s only when I know I can get rid of it before it digests that I will allow myself certain indulgences).

Food is another issue for me at gatherings with J’s friends (or gatherings in general at which you graze on foods all day — or their choice in restaurants for going out – often Mexican, which doesn’t have a lot on the menu that works well for me).

J went to his friend’s 4th of July party last week. I would have gone, actually, except that my mom came down to do immigration paperwork that day. I had an excuse – although I wasn’t particularly looking for one that day. I wouldn’t have minded going to the party – but just for a few hours. J was there for TWELVE hours! I get bored after a couple of hours and want to go do my own thing. What can I say? It’s not that I don’t like these people. I just get bored, and prefer to spend my time doing other things – and be it reading and writing on blogs. Then does that make me lame? Anti-social?

I guess the challenge is, to what extent do you remain true to yourself, and to what extent do you compromise for the sake of preserving your relationships with others?

I know it’s difficult for J that I am so particular with my eating and that so much of my energy goes into self-nurturing (including my exercise, which is a priority over many other things). I know that I am not the same person he met and fell in love with. I was “fun-Emily” at the time, ate whatever, got drunk at parties, had lots of fun… Yes, a much more fun person to be around! Funny, he thinks I was more “myself” then. Despite all the challenges in my life, I actually feel like I’ve come a long way in my own self-development. I feel I am living a much more “healthy” life (despite the b/p, of course). Does healthy mean no fun? See, personally, I am fine with the way my life is, but am I spoiling the fun for others?

This turned into a long comment, so I’m going to post it on my own blog as well. I haven’t written on there in some time.

Thanks to Meg, also, for sharing! We all have so many parallels going here! It’s so comforting to read that other people face similar issues.

And thank you, Heather, for sharing your own experiences! I love when you get a little more personal in your posts! In general, in life, that’s what I thrive on, when things get personal! That’s the stuff I love!

much love,
Emily

I am so glad to read your poster at the moment. It helped me feel much better. I thought bottle up inside was the characteristics of blood type A people (me). I have realized the being bottled up inside have created lots of negative energy in all aspects of my life. It almost ruined my marriage last year. I have been trying to change it, but it is SO SO HARD if it is possible. I started to express my true feeling more at home which made a huge difference overalll because I have a least one area of my life that I do not need to bottle up inside. But it is still so hard to do in other areas because I do not feel safe enough to do so. At work, I often feel that people around group together in order to get more power. One group of people would say nasty things about others who do not belong to them. I chose not to belong to any of them because what they say about others doesn’t sound right to me and that is not what I would like to say. As result, I do not belong to any group although it doesn’t mean that I was not attacked. (I guess I am surrounded by very ambitious and aggressive people.) In a sense I do not get any convenience, but on the other hand I can at least be true to myself. It took me a while to feel comfortable about this. However, because I am alone, I do often wonder why and whether what I did was right.

Your poster reminded me the importance of being true to yourself. I will have to reinforce that. Thanks for reading.

Meg

Been there too.