Wouldn’t it be great if we were all taught to please ourselves right from the beginning? Some would think that makes us selfish — I think it would make us compassionate, loving and joyful. Interestingly, the movie, The Secret, which I watched at Carol Tuttle’s Energy Healing Bootcamp said that only the most successful people knew this. They hid this “secret” from the workers, so they’d keep working hard to please. In essence, they imprisioned themselves by focusing on lack, on people-pleasing and denying their true dreams. Hmmm, something to think about, huh?

With love,
Heather

I don’t feel like I am trying to be “perfect” for anyone but myself, but I guess that probably really isn’t the case. I know I want to be skinny for me and not anyone else. I do, however, like to please people and make everyone happy.

Heather, yes, we do get ourselves locked into our thoughts. It probably doesn’t help that I am wicked (I’m not even from Mass) stubborn.

Thanks for your words, both of you guys.

I can’t keep my eyes open. Enjoy Utah!
love, ptc

Heather, I can relate so well to what you are writing about keeping yourself small, not wanting to spread out, take up too much space, be noticed too much…! That is exactly how I’ve been feeling! Interestingly enough, one thing that drives me nuts about my mom is how much she spreads her things out when she comes to my place. She pretty much takes over. It was the most noticeable when I still lived in NY, and she’d come from Germany for several weeks at a time. But even now that she lives close by and just comes for the day, or even half a day – she always shows up with numerous big bags, changes of clothing, papers, books… and, before I know it, her stuff is all over the place! It shouldn’t bother me that much, but I am so very different. I bring a minimum amount of “stuff” with me, leave whatever I don’t need in the car, and put my bag somewhere in a corner. It’s so interesting how different we all are…

love,
Em

PTC, it is quite amazing how we get ourselves locked into our thoughts, isn’t it? When I was younger, I had this realization one day — my weight had fluctuated a bit and I realized that it didn’t matter what weight I was at…I was still uncomfortable in my body. And my habits — I was afraid to take up too much space wherever I went. I’d keep everything really close to me, so that I didn’t spread my things out too much. I’d even sit in my chair so that I’d take up as little space as possible. I never really “unpacked” anything when at a class or seminar — never spread out and got comfortable.

I wanted to be small and in the end, I was playing small. I was not who I could really be — becuase just like being afraid of gaining weight, I was afraid of my power — of playing big, of being noticed. I put myself into a small container — mind, body and spirit. Then wondered why I was so unhappy and stuck.

J — I think you hit the nail on the head when you say that we are responsible for our happiness! It’s so great that you are aware of that — and empowered! That you realize that you are so much more than a size — you are a beautiful, inspiring woman with a voice that has power. Awesome!

And perhaps, J, you will end up with your own blog at some point — you have so much to share! In any event, I appreciate that you chose to share your experience with us here! By filling yourself with positive, loving molecules, you’ve actually done the same for us — how great it that?

With love,
Heather

Relating to “feeling big” feelings – I want you to know that you are loved right now! Worry, regret, anxiety are all mental illusions that distract us from the realization that — we really are fine! What I find helpful now is understanding that no external factor is responsible for my happiness. I am the one who is responsible for my happiness and knowing this is very empowering. And this why I’m excited for all of you too!

It’s hard to get out of the pattern but see if you can try a little not to worry as much about not being “thin” enough or “perfect” enough for others. It sounds cliche but it really is so true that you will be happy once you can stop trying to please others and just please yourself. And secondly I think it also helps to know it’s also an illusion that people like us better “thinner” or “more perfect” or whatever we are struggling to get at.

I found it hard to accept that I actually am “perfect” right now. I used to think – I’m not at the weight I want to be at so how can things be perfect. Well they are- so many positive things I know are in each of us. You are inspirational, beautiful, filled with love, and help so many people in life. (For example PTC as an aerobics instructor you DEFINITELY help people feel better about themselves every day). See if you can focus on these things and not worry as much about seeking approval.

I hope you find these additional comments usefull. It’s hard to convey all my feelings through typing but I’m trying. Since I recently entered recovery I really want to share these thoughts which will hopefully help becuase I know you can get there too.

With much love and confidence in all of you,
J

p.s. PTC I loved hearing your field hockey comments… I used to play as well and what a great sport!

Love,
Frida

First, it’s interesting to read what it’s like to be a binge eater. J was trying to save up her calories during the day for her binge at night. It all revolved around that binge. I, on the other hand, will sometimes dread having to go out to dinner or somewhere where there’s going to be a lot of food because I don’t want to feel like I have to eat. Atleast if I go to dinner I know I can always get a salad. I will kind of save up my calories during the day if I know I have to go out to eat, but I am also not going to binge. I guess binging, in my case, is eating more than I really want to eat, which may or may not even be a “normal” amount of food for someone else.

I loved the water part in the movie “what the bleep.” I’m glad J mentioned that. It’s so true (not that I’ve started filling myself with positive/nice thoughts). I need to start doing that and see what happens. That reminder was good!

I totally get what she’s talking about with the big arms thing too. Those are my thoughts all the time, about my arms, legs, stomach. I think I’m huge and that everyone’s going to see that and be like “ew, look at her.” When in “other people’s reality” that’s not the case with me at all. I just don’t see what they’re seeing.

I think that’s it. Thanks!