Food…what a love hate relationship we seem to have with it. And it’s not just with anorexia, bulimia or binge eating. It’s America in general.
We love our food and no one better tell us what or how to eat. And yet, we’re being told all the time. We’re basically being told what to eat by what is presented to us by food manufacturers, vending machines, commercials and fast food restaurants. They put things in our food to make it last longer. They put things in our food to make us want to eat more. But no one better tell us to change the foods we like to eat.
I was the same way at one time.
I remember being in high school (even before high school), when I ate pretty poorly. We had no family dinners and my typical dinners consisted of Dominoes pizza and Lean Cuisine. I didn’t know a thing about health, but I knew a lot about calories. That was in the 80’s and at the time, the calorie count was king.
I didn’t do much counting, but I did a lot of binging. I’d come home from school and eat one thing after another with no ability to stop. It was as if my body was propelling me to find something else that would satisfy an endless craving.
I’d eat from the time I got home to dinner time on some days, which was fine because with no family dinners I could just skip it if I was full.
The thing is, I was never satisfied and I didn’t know how to be satisfied, so I kept looking in cupboards, boxes and cans. I was a little freaked by my constant need to eat, but it seemed more like an undercurrent in my life than an overriding force.
One thing I do remember is telling my mother that it felt like the food I ate just sat there in my stomach and that nothing was moving. This seemed to be the case from the time I was 12 years old on. At the time, it wasn’t digestive pain so much as discomfort…the kind that made going out to dinner seem like a burden because I’d feel weird for hours afterwards. Bloating and constipation were there, but since I felt pretty good in general, it didn’t seem like a “condition.” Again, it was an undercurrent, but one that took me to the doctor and made me wonder what was happening with my body.
I’d have mood swings all day that felt like riding a roller coaster.
In general, I was happy, but at any given moment, my mood could plummet to depression. It was nothing anyone could notice, but my parents agreed to have me see a counselor and nutritionist. She told me I had blood sugar issues and I needed to make sure I ate more often during the day…it helped…a bit.
Things just got worse from there…was it what I was eating or my emotions?
I don’t know. Probably both. But it’s clear to me today that my digestive system was out of whack. But no one could tell me to change my food. No matter what I learned about candida or other related digestive issues would make me give up fruit or other foods for a period of time. I didn’t believe it would do anything.
Fast forward to today….
I feel like I’ve seen it all in my quest for recovery (with the exception of a treatment center or medication!). And I know for sure that my emotional and spiritual health are key to being recovered, but I also feel that a healthy, digestive-system healing way of eating has helped. Why?
Because everything is ENERGY.
In our emotional and spiritual health, thoughts and beliefs have energy. When we think negative thoughts (all the terrible things you say to yourself all day, constant complaining, feeling “not good enough”), we have and put out negative energy. It makes us feel bad. From this bad feeling place, we feel stuck, limited, scared and like a victim. I know I did.
When we have positive thoughts (seeing the great things about our lives, believing in our power, loving ourselves unconditionally, saying great things to yourself like “I’m great just the way I am”), we have and put out positive energy.
This positive energy helps us see our power to create the lives we want. From this positive place, we feel enthusiastic, hopeful and motivated.
So what does this have to do with food?
Food carries energy too. Processed food from a can or box is often dead and lifeless. It’s been mashed and crushed and reshaped and filled with ingredients that are not necessarily meant for human consumption…but it’s great for making it last longer. This is low energy food.
Think about it…what does it feel like to be in nature?
Food that comes from nature, especially if it was grown organically or biodynamically (more in harmony with the planet), carries a life force. It is full of the energy of the Earth. It’s alive. And the closer it is to being a “whole food” as opposed to a processed food, the more energy it brings to your body.
When I finally hit rock bottom with bulimia, my intuition said, think about your food. Nothing you are eating is satisfying…what will satisfy you?
My intuition led me to connect with my body and hear what it wanted. That’s when I picked up The Body Ecology Diet and noticed it had the same foods my body was calling out for. It was not far off from what Rhonda Lenair (the medical intutive who was the catalyst for my recovery) had recommended.
From rock bottom, I started to nourish myself AND heal my digestive system.
The combination of spiritual and emotional work that I was doing at the time PLUS my healing foods was like a revolution for my body. My energy soared and I felt happier than I’d ever felt in my life. No more depression, no more pain.
Since then, I’ve been studying a lot of spiritual teachers, alternative doctors and medical intuitives. I love Hay House Radio’s Dr. Mona Lisa Shulz and Dr. Eve Wood. I also love Louise Hay and Dr. Darren Weissman. Interestingly enough, they all talk about the importance of the thoughts we think AND the food we eat. It all carries energy.
Louise Hay, at the I Can Do It Conference, said: “Everthing is thoughts and food.” It’s all energy.
In fact, Louise has always been interested in nutrition and healthy eating (she follows the Body Ecology Diet, by the way, which is how I met her). And interestingly, Dr. Christiane Northrup interviewed Louise while at the conference (the interview can be heard in the Hay House Radio archives) and she told Louise she looks better than ever at age 80.
You know what?
I used to say no one better touch my food…no one better tell me what to eat. No one better tell me what to think. And while I thought that, I kept searching and searching for a quick fix that would “cure” me. Fix me. Make me right because there was so much wrong.
Now I’m realizing that I’m in charge. I get to decide for myself what kind of energy I want to give my mind, body and spirit.
And thank heavens for this eating disorder. Thank heavens for the depression, bingey thoughts and all the behaviors that come back ONLY when I’m out of alignment. Only when I’m in autopilot working too hard, doing work I hate, being with people I don’t feel aligned with. Being less than I am becuase I start to fear the money, the approval, the advancement of my career.
This “disorder,” this addiction is not in control of me. It’s just trying to tell me when I’m off because I forgot to listen to my body.
And that’s what it’s doing to you. Our bodies carry our intuition and when we are in pain and addiction, we lose touch with that intuition. I’ll do another post on what John Holland (a best-selling author and psychic) says about our bodies and developing intuition or psychic abilities….but until then, know that he too, thinks healthy food is important for this vessel our spirits live in.
Where IS All the Serotonin?
If it’s true what all the eating disorders experts say — that we are not only predisposed to have low serotonin (which, by the way is why we are depressed as well), then how do we get it? How do we get enough serotonin to feel happy, calm and to heal? We get it from protein digestion. And most people, bulimic or not, cannot digest protein today. We lack enough stomach acid (too little can cause acid stomach and GERD too) to break down the protein, so it putrefies in our bodies.
We need the amino acid tryptophan to get serotonin. Where is serotonin made? In your digestive system (95%), which is why drugs for depression take serotonin from your gut to your brain…and why people on these drugs are often constipated.
I’m not saying that we need to change the way we eat to recover. I am saying that there are physical AND energetic reasons to consider it. Not forever and not strictly, just in balance. At some point, we have to get out of the mainstream and decide for ourselves what we are going to fill our minds and bodies with. Instead of following all of the cynicism, fear and “rules.”
We get it about Madison Avenue and the models. We don’t yet get it about what food manufacturers are doing to America.
It’s time to be in charge of the energy we take into our minds, bodies and spirits…but do what feels right to you at your own pace. And give yourself a healthy dose of love along the way.
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So much of this sounds familiar, Heather. Coming home from school as a teen, raiding the kitchen, eating one thing after another, never feeling satisfied, and then being too full to eat dinner. The thing is, though, we did eat family dinners. We did eat whole, fresh, vibrant foods, prepared with love. My mom explored all sorts of healthy diets. Not weight-loss diets, but well-being diets. Whole grain flour instead of white flour (she even milled her own flour). Sprouted beans. Raw foods. You name it.
All that didn’t keep me from having food issues, though. In my case, it was much more noticeable when I didn’t partake in family dinner, and my family gave me a hard time for it.
In retrospect, I think my diet contained way too many refined carbohydrates (even if they were foods prepared with love, like all the homemade cakes and pastries, as well as pastas, breads, etc.) and not enough protein. Partly, I think I would have done better if I knew about food and my body then what I know now. But partly, I also think that raging hormones played a huge role in my body’s unsatiable hunger and cravings, and those can be very challenging to override.
I’d like to think that, knowing what I know now, if I had a teenage daughter, I’d be able to help her avert all the food issues I had. But would I really? Would she be able to benefit from the lessons I’ve learned? When I went through all this, my mom relayed to me that she’d gone through a very similar period of time at my age. She reassured me that it would get better, and I can appreciate her advice retrospectively, but I wasn’t able to apply it to my life then.
That brings me to a whole other issue of how much can we really help others, and how much do they need to help themselves? Of course, we can help them help themselves. But, ultimately, they have to do the work. We can never do it for anyone else. On the flipside, noone else can do the work for us…
I’m digressing, though.
I wholeheartedly agree with you on the importance of eating organic and whole foods. J and I were laughing last night when he pointed out we were eating like a typical American family. Our dinner consisted of all frozen foods: steemed frozen broccoli, frozen fish (and J had frozen french fries). That’s so unsual for us. (Though since I have discovered the organic broccoli florets at Trader Joe’s, I have been eating those quite often. They are so convenient and you can always keep them around. I would say it’s the next best choice to fresh vegetables.)
Have you seen the movie Fast Food Nation? We saw it a few weeks ago, and I highly recommend it. J read the book several years ago and, though I didn’t read it myself, I feel like I did, because he told me all about it as he went along.
On that note, Supersize Me was another excellent film. I would guess you’ve seen them both, but, if you haven’t, I’m sure you would appreciate them.
Thanks for providing your space for my reflections today.
with love,
Emily
Comment by Emily Jolie — June 2, 2007 @ 11:26 pm
Hi Emily, So interesting that we had the same experiences growing up. I think you bring up a good point. No one can really help anyone…we can only guide.
And you know what? The best guidance we can give others is to develop their own intution. Intuition comes from our body. I’ll share more about what John Holland (the psychic) says about this. But the more we teach people to listen to their gut reactions and help them learn about energy, the more they can pick the foods that support them.
Marion Woodman talks a lot about her own struggles with eating disorders. She’s an author and also was interviewed by Eve Ensler in The Good Body. She says that now, she can just hold a food and know if it works for her. That’s her intuition talking!
What if we all taught our kids to do that?
What if we taught each other to trust our own intution so that we’d know. And what if we stopped fearing food and learned this harmony with it, so that our bodies would guide us to the kind of energy we needed at that moment?
What if we knew we had nothing to fear in life and that all we needed to do was allow our energy to be balanced and at peace?
I think that’s all we can do. Teach each other to embrace our power and learn to understand our true nature…and follow our intution.
It sounds like your mom tried that as best she knew how. Mine did too — we went through phases when I was younger…no sugar in the house, vegetarian, etc. Until she started her business when I was around 9 years old. Then it was hit or miss. But she tried. And she did the best she knew how.
I still had to live in the mainstream. I still watched TV, went to friend’s houses, ate for convenience as anyone would because that’s what we know. And I also got caught up in all the stuff I thought I needed to do to fit in. Gossip, negative thoughts, cynicism (because it wasn’t cool to be Pollyanna).
To fit in, I walked away from myself, thinking I had to in order to fit in.
I think that’s where I went wrong, but I was doing the best I knew how and it was all perfect.
Thanks for sharing and I always love your point of view!!!!!
Love,
Heather
Comment by Heather — June 3, 2007 @ 9:53 pm
Hi Heather,
I have hesitated to comment on the particular issue I am about to ask you because I didn’t want to put you on the spot to reveal something you may not feel comfortable about. But I have to ask, especially upon reading this entry. This is what I want you to explain a bit more:
Thank heavens for the depression, bingey thoughts and all the behaviors that come back ONLY when I’m out of alignment. Only when I’m in autopilot working too hard, doing work I hate, being with people I don’t feel aligned with. Being less than I am becuase I start to fear the money, the approval, the advancement of my career
You share that you still have some challenging thoughts from time to time, when you’re out of alignment. Being so aware, and much more practiced than most of us in how to tune into yourself, could you tell us how it is that you find yourself doing work that you realize you hate doing? You’ve mentioned this before, and it makes me feel so bad. You work so hard, bringing us so much information, always learning, always inspiring…Is it that you spread yourself too thin with a lot of different things you like to do, or is that every good job still involves aspects of it you hate? Or is there something you’re doing, that you must keep doing, that you hate? In other words, is this a matter of simply divesting from a particular type of work you’re doing right now, or a matter of recognizing that there may always be aspects of some work you hate, and we all have to learn to take it easy during those times?
And do you really find yourself still fearing success at times? Could you write more about that too? I feel sometimes that money, and success are scary because they connote commitments that may get me in over my head.. I’m wondering what you would have to say about that.
Take your time-I know I put a lot out there. But you always make me think, so I hope you don’t mind!
With love, Miss Blue
Comment by Miss Blue — June 5, 2007 @ 5:33 pm
Hi Miss Blue, What excellent questions!!! I’m going to write a post to answer them because you bring up a great point that is worthy of a well thought out response.
I’m really glad you asked because how we find ourselves in and out of alignment is often a matter of taking our eye off the ball…not staying in complete awareness. I’ll be happy to share the cycles I’ve noticed in my own life in my next post…hopefully I can write it tomorrow!
Love,
Heather
Comment by Heather — June 5, 2007 @ 6:24 pm
Hi again, Heather,
I came back here and found your response to my comment and just wanted to thank you for it. Lovely, as always.
I know what you mean about fitting in. I have found myself doing it a little bit even in the blog world lately, and your recent posts have reminded me to check in with myself and make sure I was writing in accordance with my own truth and not for how I want to be accepted in a community – virtual or ‘real.’
I also wanted to say that I loved Miss Blue’s question and look forward to reading your response to it. I think that sharing your own challenges, doubts, and insecurities can help us greatly and makes you even more approachable and loveable.
(Not that you really could be any more loveable than you already are!!)
And, Miss Blue, I can relate to the fear of success you are describing and the commitments associated with it. Very much so.
with much love for both of you,
Em
Comment by Emily Jolie — June 6, 2007 @ 12:48 am