Recently I had a relapse myself. For days I felt anxious and bingey. I’ve lost someone and I ignored the pain it caused me. Instead of becoming aware of it, I concentrated on others’ hurt, and later I just overloaded myself with to do’s. Underneath I couldn’t stop worrying over everything around me. A great deal of anger was inside me and I was about to pop. So when I couldn’t keep it down anymore, I hurt myself. After the relapse became obvious, I laid down for the first time to just let my subconscious (or whatever you call it) to say what it needed to.

Soon this vision came to me: I was being dragged on the floor at a high speed by – myself! it was really funny, but also disturbing. I realised I’ve denied myself the right to be sad for my loss. I looked for deeper meaning of it, but denied how it felt. If I just let myself to be sad I could release it. Not stay in it, but acknowledge it and move on.

I’ve come to know that really, “pain is inevitable, but suffering is not”. We’ll experience the whole range of emotions through our life, but what we make of it is up to ourselves. I’m grateful for people like Heather who share with others what they’ve learned. Writing a lenghty comment is my take in this sharing. Don’t deny your pain if you don’t need to.

I thank you all and send you my love

I know that you are very insightful, very self aware. That’s always the important part and the fact that you are making a commitment to nurture yourself is beautiful. My guess is that our intuition tells us to do that and the fears of being selfish, not deserving, not good enough or fears of failure are what pull us out of it.

Once we detatch in that way (creating a habit of detatching from our body), we start to listen to and follow the advice of others. Funny though, somewhere inside our body is this little feeling of discomfort, or a little voice that KNOWS it’s not really right for us.

The more I’ve learned to honor and listen to that little voice/feeling, the more I’ve enjoyed my life. And the more I have to give to others. When once, I’d have thought it was selfish…yet on that path of ignoring self, I was too drained to help anyone. Interesting….

With love,
Heather

It’s a journey that has no end, because we are always evolving. I think though, like every story we read as kids, we think there must be some resolution, some neat happy ending before we go to sleep at night.

At some point, we have to learn to be certain of uncertainty. To recognize that we are, each day, at the most perfect point. That the road continues and we still have so much to learn. We are never done, so we might as well rest and enjoy along the way!!!

With love,
Heather

Most people walk the earth with a low level of fear and anxiety. They live a life based on “shoulds” and since things are “okay,” they continue along in a life without real meaning. Then comes the mid-life crisis, or perhaps an illness. Some are woken up, but if their discomfort is not great enough, they may just keep pressing on.

Those who choose to wake up are often VERY close to their pain – whether illness, death of a loved one, addiction or some other trauma. Moving out of it means moving through it. Part of moving through it is to learn to love ourselves anyway. To learn to get up and make new choices to be kind to ourselves anyway. To take each day as a new opportunity to feel some peace and joy in life.

I can see that you are walking that path. It’s wonderful!

With love,
Heather

Fear is what keeps us out of recovery and can also sabotage our best intentions. The fear, doubt and worry is part of the web of limiting habits I had that kept me from living my best life. Everyone has them to some degree. It’s when our old symptoms of bulimia start to show up that we know for sure that our minds are being overly occupied with these negative beliefs.

I used to have fears and regimens about doing or not doing things…I’ll share the evolution of how that progressed and how I allowed myself to let it go.

With love,
Heather

with love,

Emily

Something in your post appealed to me though, that I’ve been pondering lately. I don’t know if you’ve read my recent entry yet, wherein I stated that I am in recovery, but heck, let’s call it “recovered” because that is how I want to think. I was hesitating to call myself recovered because of the long road ahead, where I still have cognitive, emotional and spiritual work to do.

What you say is absolutely true: I am “recovered” from my bulimic eating behaviors, with a long, long way to go. I wonder though, is all of the work I need to do still a part of my ” eating disorders recovery”, so to speak? Because I see our ensuing “recovery” path as seeking a state of heightened living everyone should aspire to. This kind of living demands a constant quest for our true selves, and a desire for improvement lacking in far too many people.

How many people are living their lives, day in and day out, without experiencing the true gifts that life has to offer – as we were, and some of us mia fighters still are? Without the joy and freedom, as you say, of beginning to know and appreciate themselves as they were gifted to be! TOO MANY!

So yes, yes, and yes! We have our “panic alarm” of MIA, but thank god it’s so much easier for us to be aware of our alarm, than the mileu alarms that other people don’t heed until it’s WAY TOO LATE: like panic attacks, depression, cancer, heart disease, destroyed relationships-maybe even road rage! So many people are totally unaware of ( or not confronting) the lack of true joy in their lives. They come home from work, drained of energy, unable to enjoy their families, and escape into hours of TV, or some other escapist activity. And so many of these folks that have the same types of weaknesses we have and more, figure that’s just the way it is. By the time their ill knowledge and belief systems, and false selves catch up to them, it’s too late. Even then, they might still be in a state of unawareness. I know so many people who don’t ever seem to question their true potential, and who seem never to seek self- knowledge, or self-betterment. In fact, so many lack inquisitiveness about anything in general!

Gosh I would hate to live like that!

So Mia or not, no matter how many years go by without my bulimic behaviors, I KNOW I will always be seeking more joy, more knowledge, and more enlightenment. At some point, rather than being called recovery, this path should be called transcendence into the true joy of living.

Our road is long. But the second we begin our quest to conquer MIA, we are on a true path that many more people should be walking on. We’ve realized there is a better way to live, and we’re not going to take anything less – anymore.

Thank you for reminding me and your readers, also my friends, of the silver lining that can be seen around the dark cloud of mia.

With Love, and Hope for all of your readers and mine.

Thanks for the well ear-marked roadmap. I’ve been reading blips of your blog for a few months now and while I see similarities, I’m currently trying to learn what you actually DID in the “meantime” of healing… how were you not constantly worried that it could all come crashing down in one single hour… that you would slip back into it and not be able to get back out? I guess that’s more than telling of where I am now. I look forward to your upcoming posts on “Thinking I had to DO things or not DO things to stay recovered”.

Truly,
Becca

with love,

Emily