Over the weekend, I lost most of the entries in my blog due to a server error. I also lost most of my subcribers and just about all of the wonderful comments you have put into my blog. I thank you all for subscribing & for your comments and support — I hope you’ll join in again! I have noticed, in the past few weeks that I’ve been blogging, a sense of community building among others who are facing addiction and eating disorders. What amazes me is the power of the Internet to bring people closer to resources, information — and more importantly — to each other. I have felt this connection so strongly since starting this blog, that I feel like it has added a richness to my recovery. Because I am not only keeping my mind, body and spirit strong for myself — but also to have something to offer to this community. I guess it has given me an added sense of purpose — maybe even a reason for having been to the bottom and back again. For that, I am grateful.

Was Lost, Then Found
So when the server failed and I lost all of my entries, subscribers and comments — I felt a similar loss of community — if only for a moment. During this time, I went to visit all of the blogs and websites in my links section, to see how everyone else was doing. And the feeling of community came alive again — and for you, I am thankful.

You’ve heard me talk about things like “accepting what is” — and I wonder if it seems hard to believe? I know it was for me. For me, it sounded really nice, but I never seemed to be able to do it. I still got into rages when things went wrong. My perspective was “how could this happen to me?!” or “why is this happening to me?” Often, I felt this way because I woke up and walked through my day feeling bad all the time. And in feeling bad (digestive distress 24/7), I told myself I felt bad. In telling myself I felt bad all day, it became true for me.

Lack of Acceptance = Suffering
I never accepted that my digestive system was in pain and lived my life anyway — instead, I became overly identified with how bad I felt. I felt as if I “should” feel better and my digestive system “should” feel good. And so I suffered becuase my current situation was other than what it “should” have been. I couldn’t be happy in that place — looking at the grass being greener on the other side of should.

Oddly enough, when my digestive system healed, something interesting happened. My mind became free — I was no longer telling myself how I should feel. I just felt good. And all day, I told myself how good I felt. I filled my mind with thoughts of how terrific I felt. At this point, everything changed for me. This is my “one day I just woke up and changed” experience. Although it took 4 years of work, learning and finally eating in a way that repaired my body — so I’d hardly say I just woke up with it. However, it kind of felt that way — in the way that one feels a miracle entering their lives.

And I wondered, am I better because my digestion is better? Am I better because I am feeding my mind with positive thoughts of how good I feel, instead of how bad I feel? Am I better because of 4 years of lifestyle overhauling to take the energy drains out of my life? I’m not really sure, but I have to say it’s a combination of all of them. I think this was just steps on a recovery path that was right for me.

Back to Accepting What Is
But I digress. Because we were talking about accepting what is, weren’t we? :) So now, I really get it. I get it in my bones, in every cell in my body. If I just accept what is, there is never a problem. This doesn’t mean I never HAVE problems — au contraire — look at what happened to me this weekend? What it really means is that I don’t buy into the thought that it’s a problem. As soon as the server error happened, I was in a bit of a shock. There was nothing that could be done to save all the hours of work I put into this blog. It would take hours to reconstruct. Maybe weeks. Then, after about 5 minutes of talking to my techical support person, I felt the mental shift. I could either be enraged — and still have the work to do — or I could accept the situation and go from there.

The miracle of it all is that I accepted it. I chose not to buy into the thoughts of rage and resentment — and what happened is that I actually felt peace. How could that be? In accepting it, I realized I could take a lesson from what had happened. I also realized that in not having spellcheck in my WordPress template, my saving all entries in Word had saved me from total loss (originally, I was annoyed at having to do this — and yet, it was my savior). With this feeling of acceptance that brought peace, I had my blog back up within a few days. I made some changes that will make it better. I also have a process of backing it up everyday, so it won’t happen again. Imagine if I had waited months or a year to do this? My lesson was actually pretty painless in comparison. I am grateful for this lesson.

Life, Full of Lessons
I am also grateful for the process of life, which teaches me in every moment. It teaches me that I have a choice — I have the power to decide how I’m going to feel. I can let something ruin my day, week, year — or I can accept that something happened and chose to continue forward. You have that power too — even if in dark times, it doesn’t feel that way. Every time you get back up and feel some hope, it is a clue that you have this power. This is the positive side of you, your heart — that is speaking to you in words you can only feel. That there is hope, that life is worth living. That recovery is possible. You have the power to buy into your thoughts or choose to see them for what they are. They only way to feel this power is to watch them — get to know how they affect you — and then start making choices. I guess it’s the old, practice makes perfect adage. If it seems impossible, if it seems hard — it’s only because you’ve never been taught to do this — I know I never had been. Through practice, just like learning chemistry or a foreign language, you can apply the skill in your life.

Your Actions:

  • What are you wishing were true?
  • Is there something that is happening in your life that you wish were not happening?
  • How are you reacting when you wish something was not true or wish something else were true?
  • How does it make you feel?
  • What would it feel like to accept your current situation? Accepting does not mean giving up — accepting means feeling peace about the situation so you can take action from a peaceful state of mind, rather than a fearful state of mind. A fearful state of mind is closed up, limited and reacts like a victim. A peaceful state of mind flows, comes up with solutions, is open and can often do things in a way that feels more effortless.
  • What can you start accepting right now?
  • What steps would you take to really believe in this acceptance?
  • Consider putting your thoughts and actions into your journal.
  • Watch your thoughts — see when they are working for or against you. See if you can exercise choice in how you feel & what thoughts you buy into.
  • Write what you learned in your journal. With each lesson learned, build your next plan of action.

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