Comments on: Perspectives From A Significant Other – Your Questions Invited

By: Heather

Heather — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 17:58:20 +0000

Hi Maya, thank you for your questions — they are excellent! I will definitely have him address these in his post. I really appreciate you asking exactly what you want to know, it will help all of us learn more about perspectives of significant others!

With love,
Heather

By: Maya

Maya — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 11:11:09 +0000

Hi Heather,

I wonder if your husband had any comments on where he can turn for support, if necessary? Does he struggle with understanding your eating disorder? Does he ever become embarrassed by it or by the necessity for your self-care? Does he ever wish you didn’t have to be careful and aware about your eating, rest, etc, because this makes his life more difficult or awkward? Does he ever become frustrated or resentful and if so, how does he deal with this? How does he keep his own boundaries in place? Does he ever feel threatened or engulfed or drawn into the eating disorder and the effort that recovery takes, or drained by supporting you? Does he ever find it difficult to separate you from the eating disorder? Is it been hard to come to terms with the ‘loss’ of the previous persona you presented to him- someone outwardly confident, self-sufficient and capable? I hope none of these questions are offensive or intrusive- I know some of these are hard, sensitive issues and I just wonder how my partner can deal with the brutally honest effects of my condition on his life and on his expectations of our partnership.

By: Heather

Heather — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 14:58:11 +0000

Hi Karen, thanks for sharing your experience. It can be difficult to share this information with people in our lives. Mostly because they are afraid. My parents thought I would die, so they were really freaked out when I told them in college. After a few months of being home for the summer, we never really talked much about it again. My mother asked me about it once or twice, but I said I was fine and denied still having an eating disorder. To this day, they don’t know that it continued on for 15 more years.

It takes a lot of support for many of the people we tell. Sometimes, if it’s a parent or spouse, going to a support group or participating in online forums can really help. They are scared. Husbands think they have to “fix” everything for us. Parents do too. This is why it can be so hard. Some may avoid and deny we have a problem becuase it scares them too much.

Karen, you have brought up some good points. Let us know if you find out anything new — if you end up talking to your husband.

With love,
Heather

By: karen

karen — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 20:41:08 +0000

I hid my eating disorder from my parenmts and husband for close to 20 years. He thought I was just doing a lot of exercise and trying to lose weight.
When I chose days of fasting he did it with me He thought that would help him
I still dont know what he ever thought about it We havent discussed it in any way that doesnt lead to an argument
He like me thin or maybe that what I thought he liked My parents were cluless I could have been shooting up heroin and they would lok the other way They werent interested in the fact that I ahd a problem
But friends and people started to notice the doctor startd to notice I was still in demial It took a long time for me to come to treatment and I relapsed so many time None as great as when my 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with anorexia All I wanted to do was be dead
I need to know what others qround you feel and think
Maybe then I can discuss with my husband
Thanks
Karen