This post is an overview of the past 4 years of my recovery. During this time, I finally learned what it felt like to have peace and joy in my life. I finally learned how to listen to my heart. It was not easy, though. I had several relapses over the 4 years, but I learned some important lessons as well. I will be sharing them with you over the course of several posts in this blog. Please let me know if there are specific things you’d like me to focus on. I’d like to create a safe, open community where we can share information & celebrate each step toward our recovery.

The First Step
Four years ago, I found an ad in a flyer for a medical intuitive who cured alcoholism, eating disorders and other addictions. I was skeptical, but since I did believe in more new age & spiritual ideas, I decided to give it a try. It was pricey, but not nearly as expensive as some alternatives (therapy, etc.). I went in with an open mind and it changed my life.

After my first session with the medical intuitive, the monster of addiction was gone. I no longer felt the need, the compulsion, the urge to participate in bulimia. She helped me eliminate the craving for foods that were my trigger and she put me on a healing, organic, whole foods diet, vitamins & supplements that would heal my body & mind.

I spent a year & a half bulimia free, but was still plagued by digestive issues & overeating. Since I was overeating healthy foods, I started to trust my body, but not completely. It requires complete trust to recover, so I still had work to do.

At the time, I was still working in a stressful, high-powered job, but I felt tremendously better. The medical intuitive helped me see things that would be more aligned to who I really am. I started doing yoga and taking better care of myself. I started sleeping better. However, I was not able to resolve the bingeing and I started over exercising to compensate — a sign that I wasn’t really healed. At the same time, my job got even more stressful – with several really chaotic crises occurring in my company. My responsibilities & stress increased. I couldn’t take the bingeing anymore & I started purging again.

The Second Step
That set off the next two years of on & off recovery. The medical intuitive told me that I would need to leave my job at some point – she was telling me what I already knew. I felt a sick feeling in my gut every time I commuted to work. It was not what I wanted to do and I didn’t feel the company was at all supportive of its people & their well-being.

Luckily, my husband & I had saved up enough money for me to leave my job. I spent over a year getting certified as a professional life coach and started my own business. I got a coach who specialized in eating disorders to help me in my recovery. I went to alternative doctors (MDs who also practiced alternative medicine) & chiropractor and an alternative dentist. I told them all about my experience with bulimia and my recovery. They all pitched in to help me – they treated me as a whole person. I am grateful for the contributions each of them has made in my recovery.

How I Finally Healed
My final healing came from my inner self — I finally aligned my mind, body & spirit. I am grateful for the medical intuitive who gave me a clean slate — so that I could feel what life was like in that place of alignment. Her work didn’t stop me from slipping in my recovery, but she did help me get in touch with that place of peace — and she pointed me in directions that would create alignment. As my doctor said to me, “you need an intuitive because you have stopped listening to your own voice. Once you start listening, you will be guided by your own intuition.”

She actually kick started my recovery — and I put the final pieces in place by learning to hear what my heart really wanted. It wasn’t until I started trusting that I surrenderd to my own inner voice. Here is what helped:

  1. I learned how to be myself – to say what is truly in my heart and to follow my dreams.
  2. I learned to trust myself – my abilities, my safety & security, my finances and my body.
  3. I learned skills for living – self-responsibility, accountability and self-care
  4. I learned how to be present in each moment and truly feel peace from my former negative “mind-chatter.”
  5. I learned to use the power of my mind & the laws of attraction to bring a joyful life.
  6. I learned how to stop needing & how to love what I already have.
  7. I learned that I am actually loveable, just for WHO I am, rather than for what I DO.
  8. I learned how to eat well, studying Ayurvedics, macrobiotics, the yeast connection diet, the Body Ecology Diet, raw foodism and conscious eating.
  9. I learned how loving & supportive my husband really was after telling him I had bulimia – it does help to share with someone who will support & not stifle.

Lesson Learned
In my recovery period, I found that I started having shorter & shorter relapses. I started to realize that I felt like a dog chasing it’s tail. That there would NEVER be enough and this habit of b/p was futile. This would bring me back to myself. I would start to take care of myself again and nurse myself back to health.

I actually started to learn something from every relapse — there was a pattern. The pattern was that I was not taking care of myself in some way. For example, I was not speaking up when in my heart I wanted something — sometimes because I was afraid it would hurt someone else’s feelings (my friends, my family or my husband). Other times, I might be out with a group & not have access to food — I would get so hungry that it would set off wanting to binge. And still other times, I would get so little sleep that I’d be tired — and too many days in a row of this could lead to b/p.

Listen To Your Heart — Set Boundaries
The thing is, other people have a more clear set of boundaries and they speak up for what they need — I did not. So I started listening to my heart and I created a set of boundaries. Some were negotiable, some were non-negotiable. Then I stuck to them — I had to believe that I — and my recovery — were more important than anyone or anything else.

Some of my boundaries are: get at least 7 hours of sleep at night, always have healthy food with me (or ask to leave if I start to get hungry and d0n’t have food), only do things that I am comfortable with, create a work schedule that allows “me time” breaks during the day, create a schedule that is easy — with plenty of time to wind down at night, only spend time with people who energize & support me and live according to my own rules.

Your Action Item: Consider The Following Questions & Write The Answers In Your Journal

  1. What are your boundaries?
  2. Do you feel you deserve to set boundaries? Why or why not?
  3. What is inside your heart — or what do you really want to do (consider that all the money & approval you need would be there for whatever you want to do — you could have anything you wished for)?
  4. How would you live your life?
  5. What would you be doing?
  6. Who would you be?
  7. Where would you be?

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